Your Own Terms A Womans Guide To Taking Charge Of Any Negotiation

By Davidds

  • Genre : Psychology
  • Publisher :
  • ISBN : 9780814436028
  • Year : 2015
  • Language: English


Thank you for downloading this AMACOM eBook Sign up for our newsletter AMACOM BookAlert and receive special offers access to free samples and info on the latest new releases from AMACOM the book publishing division of American Management Association To sign up visit our website www amacombooks org The copyright information for this title may be found at the end of this eBook American Management Association www amanet org Your Own Terms American Management Association www amanet org Your Own Terms A Woman s Guide to Ta kin g Cha rge of An y Ne got i at i o n Yasmin Davidds P s y D with Ann Bidou A m e r i ca n Ma n ag e m e n t A s s oc i at i o n New York Atlanta Brussels Chicago Mexico City San Francisco Shanghai Tokyo Toronto Washington D C American Management Association www amanet org This page intentionally left blank American Management Association www amanet org To the Davidds women in my family who live life on their own terms My loving Mami for your unconditional love my beautiful sister Judy for your constant strength and support my soul sister Karina for your protection up above the clouds my beloved daughter D ivina for your love that is so pure and precious and my adorable nieces Isabella and Gabriella whose presence brightens my life and To the amazing alumni of the Latina Global Executive Leadership Program Your commitment to the program and to each other made my dream come true Your constant love and support for one another provided each of you with unlimited strength and undeniable courage May paying it forward sustain the power of the sisterhood American Management Association www amanet org This page intentionally left blank American Management Association www amanet org Contents Acknowledgments xi Part 1 Own Your Game Chapter 1 Empower Yourself Transform How You Think and Feel Thirty-One Ways to Negotiate a Win-Win Solution The Keys to Collaborative Negotiation Discover Your Personal Values Core Negotiation Principles 3 6 7 12 14 Chapter 2 Your Style Changes You Need to Make When Negotiating with Men or Women Navigating the Collision Course Likability vs Competence Leverage Gender Styles to Work Together Effectively The Impact of the Entitlement Effect on Male Female Negotiating Styles Manage Your Impression to Avoid Backlash Three Ways to Counter Backlash Discover Your Personal Values Identify Your Two Most Important Principles 16 18 20 21 23 28 29 Chapter 3 How Not to Sabotage Your Negotiating Power 30 Six Ways to Combat Inward Sabotage 31 34 The Seven-Second Rule for Combating Outward Sabotage What You Say Can Hurt You 37 Discover Your Personal Values Give Your Beliefs a Stress Test 40 Chapter 4 The Four Stages of Negotiation Stage 1 Planning and Preparation Stage 2 Opening the Negotiation Setting the Tone American Management Association www amanet org 41 41 44 viii Contents Stage 3 Idea and Information Exchange Moving to Agreement Stage 4 Closing Strategies That Ensure Commitment and Performance Discover Your Personal Values Clarify Your Definitions 45 48 51 Chapter 5 Determine Which Negotiation Style Is Right for You Five Comfort Zone Styles Style 1 The Avoider Style 2 The Accommodator Style 3 The Compromiser Style 4 The Competitor Style 5 The Collaborator Discover Your Negotiation Skills Style Assessment 53 53 55 57 59 60 62 66 Chapter 6 Manage Negotiations with the Backwards Mapping Technique Determine Who the Stakeholders Are Identify the Essential Issues Choose the Right Time Find the Right Approach Take the Right Steps at the Right Time The Backwards Mapping Technique Break Down Barriers Discover Your Negotiation Skills Backwards Mapping 69 70 74 75 75 75 76 77 80 Part 2 Build Leverage with Your Negotiation Toolbox Chapter 7 Offensive Maneuvers and How to Counter Them Defend Yourself Against Hardball Tactics Defensive Tactics for All Occasions Negotiation Is About Perception Not Reality The Role of Experts in a Negotiation Discover Your Negotiation Skills Name the Tactic 85 86 93 94 97 98 Chapter 8 Power Moves for Handling Difficult People Dealing with the Intentionally Difficult Person Dealing with the Accidentally Difficult Person Dealing with the Unfulfilled Difficult Person A Planning Worksheet for Negotiating with Difficult People Discover Your Personal Values Sticking to Your Principles in Challenging Situations 100 101 104 107 110 American Management Association www amanet org 111 Contents ix Chapter 9 Communication Strategies That Create a Level Playing Field The Role of Gender Attitudes Toward Winning How to Gain Control of a Negotiation What to Do When Problems Arise Test Assumptions Broad Statements and Mutual Understanding How to Make Acceptable Counterproposals Avoid Diluting Your Arguments How to Defend Against Gender Bias Manage How You See Yourself and How Others See You Discover Your Negotiation Skills Know the Difference 112 114 115 115 117 118 119 119 120 124 Chapter 10 Fail-Proof Persuasion Tactics Six Persuasive Tactics to Optimize Your Negotiating Prowess The Seventh Tactic Reframing Build Rapport Keep the Focus on Your Goals Counter-Persuasion Techniques Discover Your Personal Values How Well Do You Practice Integrity 126 128 133 135 136 136 139 Chapter 11 The Art of the Redirect Managing Destabilizing Moves Counter the Sublevel Negotiation with Redirects Five Redirects to Counter Any Move The Case Against Counterattacking Choosing the Right Redirect Implement a Multiple Redirect Strategy Discover Your Negotiation Skills Apply the Five Redirects 141 142 143 148 149 150 152 Part 3 Winning Game Plans Negotiating with Power and Grace Chapter 12 Gender Intelligence and Negotiation What Neuroscience Teaches Us About Gender Intelligence in the Workplace Gender Intelligence in Practice Discover Your Gender Intelligence Leadership 157 158 164 166 Chapter 13 How When and Why to Make Concessions Unnecessary Concessions Those You Make to Yourself Necessary Concessions Those You Make to Others The No-Fly Zone Concessions You Should Never Make 170 170 173 176 American Management Association www amanet org x Contents Maximize the Concessions You Accept Getting Others to Concede to You Discover Your Personal Values Testing Your Beliefs Under Pressure 178 179 Chapter 14 Negotiating with the Big Boys Negotiation Mapping Model Know Your Stuff Stand Your Ground Discover Your Negotiation Skills High-Stakes Negotiations 180 181 186 187 Chapter 15 Negotiate Your Way to Leadership Success Critical Points to Hit When Negotiating for a New Position How to Negotiate for Leadership Success What Organizations Can Do to Help Women Leaders Succeed Discover Your Negotiation Skills The Path to Leadership a New Position 189 190 193 195 197 Chapter 16 The Real Test Your Salary Negotiation Quick Tips How to Maximize Your Salary Discover Your Personal Goals Salary Negotiation 199 200 206 Chapter 17 Put Your Negotiation Skills to Work You Too Can Be a Power Player You Too Can Handle Challenges like a Pro The Importance of Values to Negotiations and Leadership Discover Your Personal Values Testing Your Ethical Boundaries Discover Your Personal Values Identifying Your Leadership Principles 209 211 213 217 218 219 Chapter 18 View from the Trenches Lessons for Women as Leaders and Negotiators Women as Leaders and Negotiators The Female Perspective Women as Leaders and Negotiators The Male Perspective 221 222 231 Appendix 1 Language of Negotiation 241 245 Appendix II Personal and Professional Checklist for Complex Negotiations Notes 247 Resources 251 255 Index About the Authors 261 Free Sample from Who Says It s a Man s World by Emily Bennington 262 American Management Association www amanet org Acknowledgments My journey in life has brought me across wonderful people and beautiful souls I would like to acknowledge those who have supported me inspired me and nurtured me while I wrote this book I honor you with my deepest gratitude Ann Bidou my co-author for giving such a powerful voice to my thoughts You are the most amazing co-writer I have ever worked with I feel blessed to have found you My literary agent Linda Konner for all your support and dedication to making this book possible The AMACOM team Ellen Kadin Ellen Coleman Robin Perlow Irene Majuk Erika Spelman and the entire editorial production sales publicity and marketing teams Thank you all for believing in me and giving me the opportunity to share my message through this book The women and men who allowed me to share their voices with the world through our interviews Dr Betty Uribe Graciela Meibar Julius E Robinson and Pablo Schneider The only man in our family my brother-in-law Michael Wright thank you for loving honoring and supporting the Davidds women even when we drive you crazy American Management Association www amanet org xii Acknowledgments Ann Bidou wishes to thank Shoya Zichy the co-author of her earlier books Career Match and Personality Power for recommending her for this job Shoya I have learned so much from you and you will see your wisdom sprinkled throughout Deepest thanks to Linda Konner our agent for bringing me together with one of the most remarkable brilliant and gracious ladies I have ever met my co-author Yasmin Davidds Linda a very astute negotiator is one of the few women I know who does not need to read this book at all Warmest thanks to Brenda Nielson for her feedback on each chapter draft I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Emily Hennessey and Sabrina O Brien for helping to keep my other business going while writing distracted me Finally I wish to recognize the uncountable times my husband Greg Bidou supported me through this writing period with unfailing encouragement humor and strength Yes ladies there really are perfect husbands out there to be had and I say my prayers of gratitude every day for having found one American Management Association www amanet org Pa r t o n e Own Your Game Empowerment 1 The act of investing yourself with power 2 The process of enabling or permitting yourself the right to succeed 3 The ability to control your own destiny 4 The strength to maximize your own potential 5 The determination to define life on your own terms American Management Association www amanet org This page intentionally left blank American Management Association www amanet org 1 Empower Yourself This is not a book about how to become a barracuda at the bargaining table It s definitely not a book about how to negotiate more like a man or how to win by making others lose face or power It is a book about leveraging those feminine strengths such as nurturing and collaboration that all people men and women respond to positively We women frequently feel like we re placed in a no-win situation before a negotiation even begins If we make concessions to further the deal we re viewed as weak but if we go in strong for what we want we re called unflattering names that often begin with b Either way professional working relationships sustain damage Where s the middle ground I live and work in the middle ground I am an internationally known bestselling author a women s empowerment and negotiation specialist and an expert in the world-renowned Karrass negotiation program As one of the leading female negotiation experts in the United States and Latin America I have trained thousands of corporate leaders in more than two hundred blue chip companies in twenty-two countries in the art and skill of negotiation My clients range from senior judges to tribal leaders from unionized prison guards to accountants and from railroad officials to diplomatic trainees American Management Association www amanet org 4 your own terms Based on these personal experiences and successes I will teach you what I ve taught others how to be both a winning and a graceful negotiator I will show you how you have more power at the negotiating table than most men without resorting to sexual nuance And I will help you realize that being a successful negotiator means that people end up liking you more not less Let s begin by busting some myths Myth 1 Nice girls finish last How do we get people to think we re nice Parents teach their daughters it s by giving to others while telling their sons it s more important to be strong and tough Some parents model this by sacrificing what they want so others particularly their children can have what they want At the bargaining table being nice in this way often leads you to make too many concessions in return for too little The goal is to get what you want and leave others feeling like they won too Myth 2 Emotions have no place in serious negotiations Quite the contrary Your emotions are a critical barometer for creating a win-win There can t be a win-win unless you win too Women fear losing control emotionally and looking weak in the heat of negotiating But to repress emotion requires tremendous amounts of energy leaving little for strategic maneuvering Emotions are energy that needs to be directed You can t really control what emotions pop up but you can control how you express them Fear for example can be directed into the courage to walk into or out of the conference room anger into setting reasonable boundaries self-doubt into taking a calculated risk Myth 3 You have to be mean or angry to earn respect One archetype of Western patriarchal cultures is the man who uses anger and bullying to force other weaker people to do his bidding Kings and conquerors slave owners and shop foremen are all examples But a modern woman who uses such men as her role models rarely gains respect from her colleagues or herself What s the new paradigm Earn respect from others by building your self-respect This means taking a gracious and firm stand for what you desire American Management Association www amanet org Empower Yourself 5 Myth 4 You don t deserve to have it all and if you push for it people think you are selfish or unrealistic Don t believe it for even one second Who told you that you don t deserve to have what you want When was the very first time you remember hearing this How often did you hear it growing up Did the person saying it have an agenda that would benefit him or her if you didn t get what you wanted It may make no sense to honor at age thirty-six what your mother said you couldn t have at age six As an adult you are entitled to more Pushing yourself to get more at first may feel fake and unnatural But small daily successes will start to translate into success in bigger arenas asking for pay raises buying a house getting investors for your business buying a used car and even dealing with your ex-husband s divorce lawyer Myth 5 People don t like women who say no Users manipulators and exploiters certainly don t Others will try to work within the reasonable boundaries that you set and respect you for having them I will teach you some critical skills for dealing with the users in a strong and confident manner so you walk away from the negotiation liking yourself and feeling little concern if the manipulators and exploiters don t Myth 6 Being a powerful woman who wins is OK for movie and TV characters but in the real world it turns people off The assumption here is that if a woman wins colleagues and sometimes even friends are intimidated and turned off Of course if you always lose to someone you may become afraid to deal with that person which also is a turn-off Instead I will show you the art of being a powerful woman someone who knows how to create win-win situations without ever compromising your authentic femininity by which I mean your ability to nurture cooperate and collaborate with respect for others and for yourself You will draw others to you gain respect and lifelong friendships along the way and get what you want as well Isn t that who you want to be To start let s agree on some definitions American Management Association www amanet org 6 your own terms Negotiation so goes the old definition is a game with rules of engagement If you know the rules and employ them adroitly you can win Many of these rules mostly developed by men go counter to the collaborative approach most women prefer To change this game we need to redefine it Negotiation newly defined is a process whereby agreement is reached through discussion and compromise Every interaction no matter the context no matter the scale is a negotiation It requires a mindset tools and a definable goal all of which a woman can acquire with minimal skill and some practice Femininity The traits most often found and valued in females such as gentleness delicacy and a nurturing attitude These traits can produce tremendous gains when strategically applied to a negotiation Winning Winning means getting what you want For some women a one-sided win in their favor may create a momentary rush but for most it ultimately doesn t sit as well as a win-win Transform How You Think and Feel Let s begin Here s how to own your game live life at work and at home on your own terms and never get played again 1 It starts in your head To achieve real lasting powerful results to completely transform your quality of life you must ask new questions take new actions get new results and thereby gain new perspectives At first this will feel like putting on stiff new shoes You will likely take them off and put them back on a few times before they start to feel right Stay with it You ll soon feel more comfortable 2 It starts with your heart You have the desire to become a master negotiator without being heavy-fisted or cutthroat Central to achieving this is facing the fear of losing friendships respect or American Management Association www amanet org Empower Yourself 7 cooperation the fear of disliking yourself the fear of disobeying being disloyal to or being better than your parents These are monumental and there s no getting around the courage you will be required to muster To conquer your fears requires consistent powerful strategic action to trust that stepping up to the plate will dispel and not reinforce your fears As your successes pile up new powerful and positive beliefs and attitudes will lead to even greater results and momentum Together we ll compress decades of effort into months or even days and make goals you considered merely dreams your daily reality Don t allow your fears to hold you back Thirty-One Ways to Negotiate a Win-Win Solution I can give you lists of tips and tricks which I will but the easiest way to absorb them is to see them in action What follows is the story of Cathy s job and salary negotiation with Tom showing how she successfully brought it to a win-win conclusion Once you ve read the story I suggest that each day you choose several of Cathy s strategies in bold and practice them until they become habitual 1 Power image management show power externally 1 Cathy walked into GDW Company with her head high her shoulders back and a smile that would illuminate any room Her navy blue suit was sharp and her hair was perfectly wrapped in a bun She had interviewed for the national sales director position with the company and had been called back for what she hoped was the last interview Today she was to meet with the executive vice president of sales Tom Hernandez the man to whom she would report if she got the position 2 Manage your expectations 2 She was excited about the possibilities but didn t want to get her hopes up too high Before she entered American Management Association www amanet org

Author Davidds Isbn 9780814436028 File size 4 2 MB Year 2015 Pages 256 Language English File format PDF Category Psychology This book has changed the way I enter into all my business dealings The strategies tactics and counter actions that are provided for women are proven and effective techniques to ensure a win win outcome The book also has exercises that help to identify your values and core beliefs which help navigate you through tough negotiation situations Bottom line I am now more